WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
