I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
