I hate your face
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
