You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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