i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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