My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
