my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
it's like iHOP with fire
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
