with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I want to fling myself into the sun
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
