ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
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I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
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I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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