i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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