i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
sarcasm needs its own font
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
