How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
