Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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