I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
