Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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