I'm so fucking centered right now
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
