Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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