Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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