i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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