so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
