If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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