I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
