i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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