I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
