Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize