Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
