Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
