Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
