Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
