Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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