thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
