There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
