Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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