Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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