he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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