Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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