I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize
