She's JV to your varsity
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
