WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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