so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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