so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
