Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
