K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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