u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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