the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
did i walk over a car last night?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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