I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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