i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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