1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
