So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
