You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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