plz talk dirty to me
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
