he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
