You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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