it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
