I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize