I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
