Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Hippo gnu deer
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
