I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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