the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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