i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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