I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
