you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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